Deep Breath
Lyrics:
Laying alone in this house, when there's no one else here
Each little sound is a shock, and fills me with fear
But I was not made to be paranoid
I need to remember You're here
(chorus)
'Cause when I remember You, reach for You,
Call for You, all I do draws You in
And when I'm listening, I can sing,
Everything tells me I'm Yours again
Then a deep breath begins the release,
With that deep breath, I'm filled with Your peace
Anxiously dreading the future distracts me once more
I'm lost in disasters, catastrophes, famines and wars
But all these imagined calamities
Have no power over You, Lord
(Chorus)
I am so tempted, each day, to act as though You're not real
But Your deep reality beats my thin fantasy and all I feel
(Chorus)
Copyright © 2010 Brian West
NSAI Evaluation
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NASHVILLE SONGWRITERS ASSOCIATION INTERNATIONAL SONG EVALUATION
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EVALUATORS OPENING: Hi Brian, I’m evaluator #97. Welcome to NSAI song evaluation. Keep in mind that these are only my opinions and are meant to be helpful with your song crafting skills.
FORM/STRUCTURE:good structure
HOOK/IDEA:You may want to create a more solid hook idea.
LYRIC: You have a sweet emotion in your lyric Brian. The beginning of the song is a bit confusing. It feels like he's in a haunted house or something. He's listening to and is frightened by noises. The hook idea would be in the chorus in this structure. In the chorus, there may need to be more reference to "who" he's talking to. It's not until the 2nd verse that we find it's the Lord. Although this is assumed, because you listed this song under Contemporary Christian, it's important to make sure the lyric defines this as well. Also, in the chorus, there may need to be more of a complete hook idea. This may be stating in so many words that "when he prays, listens, calls and reaches for the Lord in the midst of his despair he can then take a deep breath and find peace". The verses would then go into more detail. For more info on hook idea development I'm recommending a book below.
MELODY/METER (IF APPLICABLE):Your verse is pretty Brian. The chorus is catchy. The bridge changes up the melody nicely.
COMMERCIAL VIABILITY: it has potential
CLOSING COMMENTS:Brian, you have a good sense of melody. The hook idea in the chorus may need strengthened as well as the detailed storyline in the verses supporting the chorus. Keep up the good work Brian and thanks for using NSAI's evaluation service.
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