Praise: Effort Trumps Intelligence

The Power (and Peril) of Praising Your Kids -- New York Magazine

This is, for me, a stunning article.  I have a hunch it will take me a while to really process it.  See, the basic point of the article--supported in very powerful and conclusive fashion by repeated studies--is that it is worse, even destructive, to praise a child for his/her intelligence.  Those who are praised for their effort learn to respond to failure by trying harder.  Those who are praised for their intelligence are praised for something apparently beyond their control; I'm thinking it's like praising someone for the weather today.  So when a child runs into failure, they believe they have no recourse.  If all they have is their intelligence, and that's failed them, what can they do about it?  Nothing, they think.

If you're someone who knew me growing up, please read this article and see if you don't think it describes, to a significant extent, what I was like as a child, teenager, etc.  From a very early age I was continually reminded how intelligent I was, how "gifted and talented" I was.  And to a great extent, my natural ability (certainly not hard work) carried me a long way in the academic environment.

In high school I did okay--skipped homework, aced the tests, ended up with a B or C, that kind of thing.  But in college I hit a wall.  I was smart enough to skate through high school and before, but not college.  I wasn't that smart.  It wasn't until my junior year that my grades went from a notch above mediocre to closer to what I was capable of.

After college (almost 15 years ago now) I naturally carried on my largely-engrained pattern: do whatever I felt like doing, just getting by.  This time, though, it wasn't academic in nature but primarily financial.  I settled for a series of fairly low-paying jobs, happy that I didn't have the high-stress jobs of some people I knew.

But after reading this article I wonder if I'm almost cursed by this pattern.  I've written around 100 songs, most of them (in my not-so-humble opinion) pretty good songs.  But as much as I enjoy writing them (and to a much lesser extent performing them), and in spite of the great tools I have at my disposal these days (like Apple's Garageband software), I've done virtually nothing to create decent demos of the songs, let alone send them out to A&R resources like Taxi.

Why is this?  I've chalked it up to having other priorities, other commitments.  I enjoy talking with people, keeping in contact with old friends, maintaining long-time relationships.  And that kind of thing does have genuine value.  Once I got married, almost five years ago, and even more after we brought Miriam home, I chalked up my lack of effort in producing or promoting my music to those commitments.  And it's true that a single person has more free time to devote to their own pursuits in a variety of areas.  Being a good husband and father is truly valuable and important.  But are those just cop-outs?

Obviously, this article really rings true for me.  I don't fault my teachers, parents, and others growing up who saw a natural talent in me and thought they were doing a very good thing by reinforcing me with praise.

But that was then, and this is now.  What can I do now to change my worldview, the way I see myself, and the way I pursue the things I claim are important to me?  I can do something about it, I believe.  Let's see what that might be...